It's been awhile since I blogged. I've never been a consistent blogger, but this lapse is long even for me. As things stand now, I am doing much of the same things now as I was the last time I wrote. Being angsty, reading books, and writing about those books. Now that I am a grad student I don't read as much "for fun" but I have A LOT of fun reading the things I am assigned even when they elude me.
It says a lot that I found it necessary to revive the blog after so long. I guess its just a function of my life that when I feel things most harshly or poignantly or see things most clearly, I HAVE to write. I have to. Sometimes my journal is not enough. So, I will be writing more.
R
Friday, January 21, 2011
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Julie and Julia
So,
I like many women around the nation went to see Julie and Julia today, and it was touching and moving and inspiring in ways that leave me wanting to DO something to re-affirm the fact that I am living. Yes I am alive, but that is only a state of being. I want to live at the limits (mostly the highs) of my existence. I, like Julie, want to do something novel (pardon the pun) to lift myself from my daily routine. I need a hobby... and I guess a life wouldnt hurt either ;). But, at least I know I am moving in the right direction. I am gainfully employed at a job I dont hate and I get most major holidays off. It's a great first grown up job, and I am more than grateful to have it. Yet, I still have this feeling... like i'm missing the point or something; like I'm not seeing something thats right in front of me, or like i'm not doing something that I should; like I'm not living up to my potential, and this is a feeling I cannot live with.
How does one live up to their potential, and how do you know when you have? I wish I had a potential meter that would somehow let me know whether i'm getting close. Anyway, it was inspiring to see someone like julie, who has problems finishing things (like I do) and is somewhat caught in a rut (like I am), do something to change her life. she didn't wait for someone else to do it for her, she took her own life in hand and made herself into the person she wanted to be. I applaud the effort and have hopes of doing the same as soon as I figure out how I want to go about being the person that I always wanted to be.
So, no blog filled with adventures in suburbia for me, and I'm not going out and buying the next cookbook I see (though I believe cooking does have cathartic and restorative powers as well as the power to express emotions). I think the final moral of the story is that people should look into themselves and do the things that they love, with the people that they love. So, I will be spending the next 10-12 months really trying to figure out if that means staying or going in the context of my own life. Is teaching more fulfilling than learning? Short term vs Long term? I guess we will see...
Gina
I like many women around the nation went to see Julie and Julia today, and it was touching and moving and inspiring in ways that leave me wanting to DO something to re-affirm the fact that I am living. Yes I am alive, but that is only a state of being. I want to live at the limits (mostly the highs) of my existence. I, like Julie, want to do something novel (pardon the pun) to lift myself from my daily routine. I need a hobby... and I guess a life wouldnt hurt either ;). But, at least I know I am moving in the right direction. I am gainfully employed at a job I dont hate and I get most major holidays off. It's a great first grown up job, and I am more than grateful to have it. Yet, I still have this feeling... like i'm missing the point or something; like I'm not seeing something thats right in front of me, or like i'm not doing something that I should; like I'm not living up to my potential, and this is a feeling I cannot live with.
How does one live up to their potential, and how do you know when you have? I wish I had a potential meter that would somehow let me know whether i'm getting close. Anyway, it was inspiring to see someone like julie, who has problems finishing things (like I do) and is somewhat caught in a rut (like I am), do something to change her life. she didn't wait for someone else to do it for her, she took her own life in hand and made herself into the person she wanted to be. I applaud the effort and have hopes of doing the same as soon as I figure out how I want to go about being the person that I always wanted to be.
So, no blog filled with adventures in suburbia for me, and I'm not going out and buying the next cookbook I see (though I believe cooking does have cathartic and restorative powers as well as the power to express emotions). I think the final moral of the story is that people should look into themselves and do the things that they love, with the people that they love. So, I will be spending the next 10-12 months really trying to figure out if that means staying or going in the context of my own life. Is teaching more fulfilling than learning? Short term vs Long term? I guess we will see...
Gina
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Bursting into flames...
Lyrics
so I was driving and Pardon Me by Incubus came on the radio. It was a song I remember from back when I was really into rock, but as I sat in my car listening to the lyrics, I really started feeling them. Like the first line, I didnt expect this to be my life at 23. A decade ago, I would have thought I would be halfway through a JD at Harvard, or something else ridiculously successful. So for that fact alone, I feel a lot of frustration, confusion, depression, anxiety, etc. Some days I feel like I'm about to combust... It's like everyone else's lives go on as I sit here waiting for my life to start. All of which help to make me feel like I've had enough of the world and all the crap with that comes along with trying to live a dichotomy. Anyway, I'm not feeling particularly locquacious today... so read the lyrics I have posted, because they describe my internal sentiments more than I seem to be able to right now
Gina
Lyrics
so I was driving and Pardon Me by Incubus came on the radio. It was a song I remember from back when I was really into rock, but as I sat in my car listening to the lyrics, I really started feeling them. Like the first line, I didnt expect this to be my life at 23. A decade ago, I would have thought I would be halfway through a JD at Harvard, or something else ridiculously successful. So for that fact alone, I feel a lot of frustration, confusion, depression, anxiety, etc. Some days I feel like I'm about to combust... It's like everyone else's lives go on as I sit here waiting for my life to start. All of which help to make me feel like I've had enough of the world and all the crap with that comes along with trying to live a dichotomy. Anyway, I'm not feeling particularly locquacious today... so read the lyrics I have posted, because they describe my internal sentiments more than I seem to be able to right now
Gina
Lyrics
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Why Georgia Why?
Ok, so I have at times thought that I should have a soundtrack for my life; no I'm not that narcisitic... But, have you ever been in a mood where you have no words to express how you are feeling? I've been in a mood like that alot lately... Sometimes my words won't do but lyricists and musicians always seem to have the ones I need.
The Song of the Day is "Why Georgia Why" by John Mayer
This is a fairly introspective song and for that reason alone its fitting for how I feel today and have been feeling for awhile. I didn't get into school... And aside from being a major blow to my ego and throwing all of my plans for the near and distant future into a tailspin, this sudden and I must admit unforseen turn of events has left me with nothing productive to do but let tv melt my brain, read, or while away the hours pondering my meager and wholly disappointing existence (hence the blog). I've been asking myself 'why' alot lately. And maybe like John says this "might be a quarter-life crisis or just a stirring in my soul, either way I wonder about the outcome." Maybe I wouldn't wonder about the outcome so much if I could find a freaking job. Maybe I could find a freaking job if I wasnt always thinking three steps ahead instead of focusing on the present... Well my Grandma and John Mayer agree on one thing- Everything happens for a reason. I'm still on the fence on the that one, even though I hope with all my heart that its true. In any case I will continue to ask myself if I am living my life 'right?' what is right to me? what do I want? where do I want to go?There is loneliness in uncertainty, but there is truth in it as well. The one thing I can be certain about is that change and therefore uncertainty are constants... Might as well make them friends if they're gonna be around all the time.
Lyrics
The Song of the Day is "Why Georgia Why" by John Mayer
This is a fairly introspective song and for that reason alone its fitting for how I feel today and have been feeling for awhile. I didn't get into school... And aside from being a major blow to my ego and throwing all of my plans for the near and distant future into a tailspin, this sudden and I must admit unforseen turn of events has left me with nothing productive to do but let tv melt my brain, read, or while away the hours pondering my meager and wholly disappointing existence (hence the blog). I've been asking myself 'why' alot lately. And maybe like John says this "might be a quarter-life crisis or just a stirring in my soul, either way I wonder about the outcome." Maybe I wouldn't wonder about the outcome so much if I could find a freaking job. Maybe I could find a freaking job if I wasnt always thinking three steps ahead instead of focusing on the present... Well my Grandma and John Mayer agree on one thing- Everything happens for a reason. I'm still on the fence on the that one, even though I hope with all my heart that its true. In any case I will continue to ask myself if I am living my life 'right?' what is right to me? what do I want? where do I want to go?There is loneliness in uncertainty, but there is truth in it as well. The one thing I can be certain about is that change and therefore uncertainty are constants... Might as well make them friends if they're gonna be around all the time.
Lyrics
A Mercy?
So, what better way to start a new blog than with a book review. A couple of weeks ago I read Toni Morrison's newest book A Mercy, and before I launch into why I was underwhelmed by her most recent volume, I think it only fair that I discuss a few of my motivations and biases. I think Toni Morrison is amazing. In my list of favorite writers (and with my English major-y inclinations, the aforementioned list is very long and varied) she ranks very near the top. I love her writing, the bit of it I have sampled, because of the emotional veracity of it. I'm a very intuitive and emotive reader; I get caught up in the characters and their feelings and motivations, and the way that her characters' internal humanity is relayed through her language is to me where the beauty of her writing lies and where her tales become literature. Toni Morrison is one of the best at making the emotions of her characters literally jump off the page, and after making one's way through the devastating nature of Sethe's guilt and sorrow in Beloved, or through the despair and confusion of Sula, one begins to expect a certain amount of poignancy and sustained affective energy when coming in contact with a Morrison tale. In A Mercy the gripping, page turning, emotional power of the characters was missing. I could sense Morrison grasping for it, and at times she manages to hit these emotional heights with the storyline concerning Florens' love for the blacksmith and with the back story of Florens' abandonment by her mother, but there is no consistency. And for A Mercy to be in the same realm as some of Morrison's earlier novels there must needs be a continuous tension bubbling just beneath the surface, specifically in novel written with so many disparate narrative voices. A Mercy is written somehat like Beloved in that each character is given a section of the book where the reader is allowed to confront the overall action and storyline through the point of view of each character. Each character has their own memories and motivations and flashsbacks, and through each character telling their part of the story the reader is a given a fuller version of events. Each mini-narrative is like a piece of a puzzle that when put together form the entire story, but there needs to be something- some sort of glue that binds the pieces together. In Beloved, the character of Beloved and all the years of sorrow and guilt and pain weaves itself through the lives, past and present, of each character. For A Mercy, there was nothing that strong holding all the pieces together. It was just a coming of age story about a bunch of women, told by these same women and occasionally by the dude that brought all these different women together. I think Morrison maybe aspired to some more subtle point with this book than in the past, and I am fully aware that maybe I just missed this more subtle point, but somehow I doubt it. Poignancy no matter how subtle, is still both effective and affective, and this book is missing the affective presence that Morrison is known for and the effective cohesion to bring whatever it's point is home to the reader.
So Final Verdict: Read A Mercy, if, like me, you are curious about where Toni Morrison stands in her craft at the current moment. It has been five years since her last work of fiction, so if you are fan of hers, go for it. If you are new to her work, start with Beloved... even if the ghost doesnt work for you, its an emotional juggernaut of a book and its worth your time even if you don't want to get into the sort of paranormal stuff that goes on in the story.
Next up: Jazz. In one of my AAAS classes one of my profs said that Jazz was Morrison's best book. I'm gonna see about that... Right now I think Beloved is her best.. I mean it did win a Pulitzer.
So Final Verdict: Read A Mercy, if, like me, you are curious about where Toni Morrison stands in her craft at the current moment. It has been five years since her last work of fiction, so if you are fan of hers, go for it. If you are new to her work, start with Beloved... even if the ghost doesnt work for you, its an emotional juggernaut of a book and its worth your time even if you don't want to get into the sort of paranormal stuff that goes on in the story.
Next up: Jazz. In one of my AAAS classes one of my profs said that Jazz was Morrison's best book. I'm gonna see about that... Right now I think Beloved is her best.. I mean it did win a Pulitzer.
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